he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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