we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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