I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
