we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
