With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
