I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
