the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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