Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
