Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
