I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You made out with two different species that night
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
