how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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