God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
