i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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