He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
