we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
