VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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