I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
