Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
