It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
