She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
