I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
