The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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