you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
