I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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