got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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