wrigley field is MILF paradise
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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