Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
this boner is exhausting
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
