Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
