I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
