You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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