i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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