My nipple is on Facebook.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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