he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
