i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We left an ass print on the piano.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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