I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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