i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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