how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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