Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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