she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
