dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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