Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
