Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
