I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
