Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
