I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
