That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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