Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
