shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
