just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
