It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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