If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
